Often I’ve felt hidden in the depths of my unlikely thoughtful mind. exploring reality and a world of what I’d wish things to be. Hidden behind my assumptions of what the world perceives me to be, opposed to that which I know I am. this magnificent, beautiful, intelligent creature. things that even the strongest and most distorted thoughts could not provoke me to be anything less. And as I begin to not just think this but feel this, the concept of inner peace gently settles on my spirit and the strength needed to breaks down the walls of low self esteem and molding the clay of self confidence within. This clay so smooth and uniquely defined to ensure that all elements within are remarkably recognized for the exact significance that they hold and with each stroke of my clay the more bold and courageous I begin to feel. And with this I am no longer hidden but instead I see every part of me and with it I see strength, I see love, I see power, I see beauty…
I see where I’ve come from and all I seek to gain.
But the journey to get there is driving me insane.
It’s like I’m being tugged this way and that.
Like I’m forcibly being pushed into combat.
With this thing called life that doesn’t seek to give me any passes.
With this thing called life that I can’t even read with my glasses.
On but now broken from how many times I’ve fallen.
I can’t see my way it’s blurry but I’m still calling.
Calling for help with my arm reach out.
Calling for peace but all I’m feeling is doubt.
Doubting myself, accepting my struggle,
doubting my beliefs, all too much to juggle.
God give me a sign, send me relief,
Good give a sign, please grant me peace.
I can’t do this! I’m not strong enough.
I’m not equipped with the tools, it feels just to tough.
Then slightly and ever so softly I feel a light touch
And a whisper in my ear “If only you saw you how I see you, you’d know your enough”
And in that moment I felt peace like never before.
All the pressure was off and I was ready to soar.
Sunshine filled rainy days
Wishful thoughts in the midst of distress
Plain as day the fact that control is out of my hands
Yet my mind grasp on to the delusion that control is mine
An inability to leave it behind
For Bright horizons masked in winds of misconception
Increase the length and distance to this walk on a path of struggle
A solution in arms reach, just let go
A result of my obsession with perfection
Not realizing that to gain the desired outcome all I have to do it let go
All I have to do is accept what was, what is, and what is to come
As my stress and worry, anxiety related to such are in actuality leading to my unexpected failure
I refuse to fail, I refuse to lose, I refuse to fall
Or is my refusal the exact source of all the negativity that encompasses my life
In that, through failure and loss I grow stronger
A sudden recognition that this is my reality
I am stronger, I am smarter, I am more confident
All of which come with acceptance and self love
So on this day, my rainy days mark a sign of my bright horizons
My reallocation of thinking and reflection of self…
Are you ready for yours?
Being an individual that loves things to be a certain way initially made it difficult for me to encourage Independence with my children. Once they reached the stages in development focused on autonomy and the realization that they are their own separate person, individuality begins to flourish. I initially had a tough time with this. With my first child I experienced this with clothing selection and him never wanting mommy to help, with my second child I experienced this with her hair and color of clothing. with my last child I experienced this with him wanting to do everything himself. Now for some people these things may not be a big deal but clothing selection was huge to me because I used to love buying my children matching clothing or color scheme and shoes to match. Well my oldest had a phase that he was like a little cowboy. Now this was cute but I wanted him to wear matching clothes that I bought when we went out. So I continued to put him in the clothes I picked but I began to notice his mood changing. I tried to figure out why this was occurring. Which at the time was hard due to my son’s difficulty communicating at the time. Then one day he started pointing at his tie and cowboy boots. That day I let him pick out his clothing and his mood instantly changed. This was the day I put aside my extreme need to be in control and make everything as close to perfect as possible and realized that the imperfections, the differences, the individuality, makes us special and unique and what I deemed as perfect for me may not be for bothers, including my children. I no longer sought to make my children in my image but to instead help to encourage and mold them into their own special unique little selves.
Anyone that knows me, knows that I love distressed or ripped jeans and boyfriend jeans. Being that these type of jeans were currently in style and considered a, go too in the fashion world I ended up spending more money then I would have liked for these type of jeans. Then, ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH! I decided to go back to some of my old little bargain secrets (FYI, I only buy things on sale or clearance).
One of my old secrets was shopping at second hand stores in specific areas of town where the quality of items were normally really good. It is important to note that you have to allot a decent amount of time to your visits to second hand stores. Setting aside a few hours is very beneficial because it allows you time to really search for the treasures within. Also you must understand that your first few visits may be unsuccessful because you may naturally psych yourself out. After a few tries I began to find some really nice items. I got better at patiently going through items available over time which often left my sisters upset when they would go with me because they didn’t understand how I found such good stuff and they couldn’t. It is crazy to say but it is actually a craft.
So now I will visit second hand stores such at the GOODWILL especially to find jeans. Something else that helped me to obtain the look that I really wanted was to learn how to distress jeans myself. You can learn this trade by simply visiting YOUTUBE and typing in “How to distress jeans”.
Have fun, shop smart, and be creative!
Anyone else find themself a tad bit anxious about weeknights and what they hold in terms of developing and maintaining structure. How can we relieve some stress from our plates as parents after a long day of work? After we get home from work and school things can get a little hectic. While rustling around trying to get the kids settled, get their homework completed, make dinner, get my youngest to sleep, and complete my school work after a full day of work I decided I had to come up with an easier, less stressful system for weeknights. I did a simple google search to come up with ideas to help my older two children be a little more independent. While fostering their independence I could also build their sense of responsibility. I created a schedule that was a modified version of several schedules for kids that I saw online. These schedules along with some timers from the dollar store decreased the stress related to making sure that all of our evening tasks were complete. These schedules let them know in order exactly what they needed to do after school from taking off their backpacks all the way until it’s time for bed. The timers are set at the beginning of each activity and they have the ability to choose what they will be doing on their breaks. They are instructed to push up the tab completed then bring me the timer to set for the next activity. This reduced the amount of time spent trying to figure out what they needed to do next as well as decreasing the amount of time giving them instructions. So as a parent I always advise to do whatever you can to make everyone’s life a little easier.
Sections of this schedule:
1. Put away shoes and backpacks
2. What am I working for?
6. Computer based learning
Be creative and do what works best for you and your family because I’ve learned there is always an easier and less stressful way to get things done as a busy mother of 3, I just have to find it and so can you!
TO BE or not to be that is the question…
am I to be great or am I to be insignificant and wallow below those which feel like I have no right to exist? the decision is mine just as a decision is yours. regardless to how much they tug and scratch they yell and scream I still have a choice. will it be harder to get to my desired destination? yes, without doubt but the strength that is needed to do so I already hold within. so I’ll fight, so I’ll rise, so I’ll live, even when they want to see me fall. I’ll stand, I’ll strive, I’ll overcome every obstacle set in front of me internal and externally. I’ll become that which you said that I couldn’t. I’ll become all that you said that I wouldn’t and not just for the satisfaction of proving you wrong… but for the satisfaction of proving me right. you can’t hold me down in the dark because I’ll rise into the light. I’ll stand STRONG me and mine I’ll thrive in time with persistence, consistency, resilience, and integrity. so to BE is what I’ve decided and to BE I’ve invited not only for me but also for you trust in yourself is all you have to do.
I feel like our society has normalized failure with an excuse being placed on the masses that we are not only being held back but we are being held down. These proposed shackles do in fact exist to some extents but our power is not completely limited whether it be related to circumstances of life, race, gender, etc. If we WILL it we have the power and capability to do it with appropriate steps taken. So don’t limit yourself to what society or even those around you say you can and can’t do. Take charge of your life and make it what you would like it to be.